Monday, February 25, 2008

Things that are cash; Developer Commentaries

The Orange Box has them, they rock. They tell you lots of information about stuff, similar to extra features (OR DIRECTOR COMMENTARY~!) in film.

I give this 11/10, because I can't give it 20/10, and if I gave it 20/10, it'd have to be 20/100, and 20/100 isn't very good at all.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


AfrOjoel says (10:51 PM):
go to school or play crackdown????
Ben Bones. <3>
go to school
AfrOjoel says (10:52 PM):
'oh wow, you got all the agility orbs huh, you got the job MAN!!'
j0ss says (10:52 PM):
j0ss says (10:52 PM):
j0ss says (10:52 PM):
j0ss says (10:52 PM):
AfrOjoel says (10:52 PM):
im trying to be the prime minister when i grow up
Ben Bones. <3>
I need 150 more agility orbs:(
j0ss says (10:53 PM):
Ben Bones. <3>
you should probally change schools then:(
AfrOjoel says (10:53 PM):
i figure john became minister at like 80
AfrOjoel says (10:53 PM):
so if i start trying at about 50-ish?
AfrOjoel says (10:53 PM):
i should be okay i guess
j0ss says (10:53 PM):
AfrOjoel says (10:54 PM):
on the mint
AfrOjoel says (10:54 PM):
a lady rang
AfrOjoel says (10:54 PM):
and said
AfrOjoel says (10:54 PM):
im from tasmania
AfrOjoel says (10:54 PM):
and the host said
AfrOjoel says (10:54 PM):
"OH TASVEGAS" as a joke
AfrOjoel says (10:54 PM):
and the lady said
AfrOjoel says (10:54 PM):
'no. tasmania'

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Pimp EA stands up for it's hoe Bioware

Jeff Brown, the Vice President of Communications at EA wrote a letter. Here it is.

"As the parent company of BioWare, the studio which created the game, EA would like you to set the record straight on a number of errors and misstatements which incorrectly characterize the story and character interactions in Mass Effect.

Your headline above the televised story read: "New videogame shows full digital nudity and sex." Fact: Mass Effect does not include explicit or frontal nudity. Love scenes in non-interactive sequences include side and profile shots - a vantage frequently used in many prime-time television shows. It's also worth noting that the game requires players to develop complex relationships before characters can become intimate and players can chose to avoid the love scenes altogether.

FNC voice-over reporter says: "You'll see full digital nudity and the ability for players to engage in graphic sex."
Fact: Sex scenes in Mass Effect are not graphic. These scenes are very similar to sex sequences frequently seen on network television in prime time.

FNC reporter says: "Critics say Mass Effect is being marketed to kids and teenagers."
Fact: That is flat out false. Mass Effect and all related marketing has been reviewed by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) and rated Mature - appropriate for players 17-years and older. ESRB routinely counsels retailers on requesting proof of age in selling M-rated titles and the system has been lauded by members of Congress and the Federal Trade Commission. In practical terms, the ratings work as well or better than those used for warning viewers about television content.

The resulting coverage was insulting to the men and women who spent years creating a game which is acclaimed by critics for its high creative standards. As video games continue to take audiences away from television, we expect to see more TV news stories warning parents about the corrupting influence of interactive entertainment. But this represents a new level of recklessness.

Do you watch the Fox Network? Do you watch Family Guy? Have you ever seen The OC? Do you think the sexual situations in Mass Effect are any more graphic than scenes routinely aired on those shows? Do you honestly believe that young people have more exposure to Mass Effect than to those prime time shows?

This isn't a legal threat; it's an appeal to your sense of fairness. We're asking FNC to correct the record on Mass Effect.


Jeff Brown
Vice President of Communications
Electronic Arts, Inc."

[From Destructoid - Here~]

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Hey look! Fox News are dumb cunts!

I guess all you can do is laugh right?

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. Let's see how wrong these 'people' are. Italics used for dramatic effect!

-"In some parts of this you'll see full digital nudity" - Actually, in each play through you only have the option to have sex once.

- "The player get's do decide exactly what happens between the two people" - The player does not get to exactly decide what happens between the two characters.

- "Mass Effect is being marketed to kids & Teenagers" - Don't show proof, don't strain yourself.

- Next they talk through a statement given by Microsoft describing their parental controls, this basically nullifies all their to-be arguments.

Cue the Bimbo and 1337 guy. (Who's name is Geoff Keighley.

- Host says she's a bad parent.

- Violence/SEX kills children etc, apparently children decide who they will 'be' when they become an adult as they play Video Games.

- "They don't show women as being values for anything other than their sexuality, and it's a MAN in this game deciding how many women HE wants to be with." - Keep in mind she never actually played the game.

Geoff Keighley - "That's completely incorrect, firstly you can choose to play as either a man OR a woman in the game. Cooper, have you EVER played Mass Effect?"

Moron - "NO?!" she sounds disgusted that he would even ask such a question...

Host talks about how easy it was to watch Mass Effect video's on the INTERNET. Irrelevant.

Moron guest tries to be facetious, but fails. 1337 guy tells her where it's at.

"Boys that play video games cannot tell the difference between what they see in a Video Game and what they see in the real world."

Anyway the rest of the video is people sitting around a table talking how little they know about video games. One of them feels the 2-3 seconds of half-a-boob warrants an Adult Rating.

Also, 'Se'xbox? WTF

[First saw the video at]

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Assassin's Creed

**This review isn't very good, but I'm putting it here anyway**

Assassins Creed - (X360)

It's 1116 AD; assassination is the in-thing with the hip kids who are down with it. Are you down with it? Altair is down with it!

Assassins Creed is a story about a young assassin named Altair who was once the prime assassin in the entire brotherhood, that is until he BROKE THE RULES of course. This lead to a 65 year old man, who I have no idea what his name is, ordering you to assassinate nine men. These nine men are obviously in some sort of powerful political position. Maybe the game told me that, maybe I just made it up, but either way I can't remember or didn't give a hoot at the time.

Once you're through with the games tutorial, you're given a cheap sense of freedom, meaning you have the option in which to decide what objectives you would like to do first, second, third and so on. The objective being assassination, and the option deciding what city to do it in.

So you've spoken to the 65 year old pedophile, and you've chosen your destination. You get on a horse and ride through an instanced zone called 'The Kingdom'. The point being to reach a sprawling city which houses your target. Once you've gained entry to said city through disguising yourself as an Usher or simply crash-tackling the guards at the gate and crawling up a building it's a matter of finding information about the man you have to kill, this is gained through pick-pocketing, interrogating people with your fists and helping fellow assassins with their troubles. You do this nine times! But don't worry, it's certainly not as repetitive as I just made it seem, why I played through about 8 of these kills and there wasn't a second where I found myself being bored. You could probably get through about 10 hours of game play before you started to feel it repeat.

I thought the Altair character was cookie-cutter and dull, he's like every other 'badass' action hero we see in video games, and his ancestor, who I can't even remember the name, was just a HUB for me to get to more Altair missions. Didn't find myself the least bit immersed into either of these two characters.

Speaking of being immersed, the cities do just that. Weather wondering through the Jerusalem poor district or the Assassins castle, everything feels real and natural. It's so atmospheric, as people stroll through the streets, beggars beg and crack addicts smack you in the face. It really helps draw you into the world, especially combined with all the animation in the game, both Altair’s and your fellow NPCs which is really incredible and the main reason why I never found the game repetitive. When I first climbed to the tallest building I could find and saw the entire city, it was a real 'wow' moment. It all looks so great. The sound is also very well done (but damn those middle-eastern accents can get under your skin after a while!)

Run through a city, climb a wall and swing from the roof, it's all done with the right trigger, so not only does it look amazing, it's a blast to play. All the controls are great actually, once you get used to it, it really flows.

IN CONCLUSION, despite Assassins Creed's drawbacks it's very fun and innovative. Sure, it could have been better, but what you get is a fun package of espionage and coolness.

Call Of Duty 4

Call Of Duty 4 is the 4th (believe it or not) installment in the Call Of Duty saga (Not including expansions and the occasional spin-off), but this time it escapes the WW2 setting that it's predecessors endured, instead opting for some present day war thrills.

Being set in present day, as opposed to WW2 (which due to the amount of games in that period has become almost cartoon-like) adds a lot to the immersion factor. The games second mission has you take control of the president of an unnamed Middle-Eastern country, you are bound by the wrists and viciously beaten by sand-monkeys before piled into the back of a sedan and driven through the streets of a war torn city, you watch as people are being chased and executed left and right as you're driven to your inevitable death by bullet to the face. Oh yes, it's all very dramatic.

The campaign is split between UNSC and SAS (Let’s just call them American and British) missions, up until the later parts of the game where they combine.

The American missions heavily consist of firefights through war torn middle-eastern cities, including an epic scene where you're in the middle of a nuclear blast while aboard a helicopter. I won't spoil the rest but it's a really great moment. It's a more twitchy, in-your-face style of game play/

While the British missions lean more towards infiltrating, clearing houses and shooting dogs. The European countryside that these missions are played out in are really stunning and look genuinely realistic, which is what this game is trying to achieve. I won’t spoil it, but the mission in Chernobyl is amazing.

Call Of Duty 4 is packed with set-pieces, it makes up almost the entire game as you're shoved along a rollercoaster of events that make up the campaign. For most games this would seem like a bad thing, but Infinity Ward have really become masters at this style of shooter play. Infiltrating gun ships, countryside warfare, sniper missions, assassinations, rescue operations - it all feels like you're in control, even though you're not.

It took me 6-8 hours to complete the entire campaign on Regular (Normal difficulty), it may not be the longest campaign ever but those 6-8 hours are filled to the brim with awesome. I can easy see myself replaying it a few times and maybe trying Veteran if I can man up a little.

As great as campaign is, Multiplayer is the carrot-on-a-stick that will keep you coming back until your right middle ringer is raw and bloody. There are a few things that you'll find in multiplayer that are commonplace in most MMORPGs, with the XP bar at the bottom of the HUD, and unlocking new weapons and 'perks' as you rank up. Perks are extra abilities that give you extra advantages during play. Stopping Power will make your bullets have more POWER, Juggernaut gives your health a boost, Last Stand permits you an extra chance at revenge to the fools who be steppin' on your ground. Other Perks include extra and different grenades and more ammo. Every weapon class (Light machine gun, sniper, shotgun etc) has challenges that can unlock a plethora of upgrades, most challenges are 'kill enough people with this gun', but some are creative, like 'shoot down an enemy helicopter with an RPG' or 'Kill 5 enemies by shooting through a thin surface'.

Wanna' know the best part about this game? It's not set in World War 2! :D

Monday, January 7, 2008


I'm going to maybe fix my Ass Creed review, and maybe post it on here.

But it doesn't matter because nobody is reading! ^_______________^